By Bernard Wainaina
CEO,Profarms Consultants®

The guy I’m looking for didn’t oil his elbows this morning.

What kind of a man oils his elbows

He sprayed some deo on, slapped some lotion on his face, slipped into jeans, canvas shoes and a t-shirt and was out of the door.

He lives in Ongata Rongai.

Or Thika Road.

In one of those mushrooming apartment blocks with no parking.

I don’t know him.

I don’t know his name.

I have never met him.

But I know he is a tech nerd.

He is very gifted.

He doesn’t read any of my blogs or websites.

He has never heard of me!

At the bus stage he waited for a public taxi, standing next to that chick from house block, B23, the one he hasn’t plucked up the courage to say hello to.

He has headphones stuck in his ears and is listening to Ariana Grande or Luke James because it gets him in a “certain mood.”

In town, with his laptop bag on his back, he will
zip through the streets completely insulated from the morning urban angst of honking cars,
blinking streetlights and hordes of feet shuffling
to earn their daily bread.

He will catch a bus to the suburb where he works.

First job.

S**t job.
S**t because he has all these ideas that he can’t
execute, because he’s doing his time, handling
rubbish briefs.

He is 23.

His laptop is full of stickers.

He has about 15 tabs open on his laptop right now.

He is yet to reply to two Facebook messages.

On Twitter about 870 people follow him.

Of his last three tweets, two
are in sheng,and I can’t make head or tail of what he is going on about in his tweets.

Once in a while he will DM some follower on his twitter account,a chic and meet her, only to find out that she is as exciting as a broken electrical socket.

He hasn’t quite learnt the deception of Twitter.

He’s single.

There is a missed call on his phone from his bro that he is yet to return.

He drinks in town. Tusker beer. Very Cold.

When he has some mullah (I doubt he would call money mullah), he and his mate will buy a bottle of Jameson and go on a bender.

He smokes occasionally because he thinks it’s cool.

He doesn’t exercise.

He buys his clothes from a mtumba guy with a name like Ngash.

He has beautiful handwriting.

He loves football.

Liverpool to be precise, maybe because he never
wants to walk alone again.

This guy is probably 5’7’’.

Chocolate complexion.

Doesn’t bite his nails.

Keeps his hair long or in dreadlocks.

Doesn’t make his bed.

Always forgets to call his papa back.

My guy is special because he’s out there beating
the bushes, brimming with talent.

One day he will break through, but for now he’s doing his time.

He doesn’t read my blog.

Probably heard of it in passing, but has never bothered.

Actually he’s not much of a reader aside from the newspaper,Ghafla, and billboards.

However, one of his chic friends, the type who are always reading a book in the bus, will forward this post to him on Whatsapp and say, “I think this is you they are
looking for to design a website and its logo.”

He will reply: “Who?”

“Profarms, haven’t you read him?”
“Aii, bila,” [Do they say bila?]
“Ebu read that post,” she will say.

He will read it only because he likes her.

The hell
with this Profarms guy.

Once he reads it his interest will be piqued.

Why? Because I’m looking for a deadly graphic designer who will design me a website and a logo. A logo that will go up there in my blogs and websites.

time we got a Profarms logo.

I’m tired of engaging the established graphic
designers who come with moody grins and
fashionably distressed clothes.

I’m tired of admiring their creative business cards, hope welling up inside me, until they violently dash it.

This young hungry guy will get it.

I can feel it.

He will get that I don’t want a logo with a quail, or a spear or some corny stuff.

I don’t want an African print.

Or a bottle of ink on that logo.

Or a wild animal.

Or the shape of Africa.

If I see another silhouette of an Acacia tree, I will pee in my bathtub!

I don’t want some lousy calligraphy.

And for the love of me, no image of a sunset.

But mostly I don’t want big talk.

I don’t want to see a portfolio of previous work.

I just need a logo that expresses what we stand for here.

Here we tell stories,some professional,and humorous ones too.

We are creative and relaxed.

We love cool things.

We are urban without forgetting our African roots.

Most importantly we are MINIMALIST.

We don’t shout.

We are simple and not brash.

We are ‘sexy’ and suave and urbane.

And we need a logo that says all of that.

If you know this guy I just described. If you know a guy who can bring this logo to life, please share this with them.

And if you think you can nail it, go on and share your initial design.

If I like what I see, I will inbox you and we’ll discuss how you can develop that logo.

And then I will pay you decent money for it.

Even though I don’t know you,you can take a chance with me on this one off offer!

“The African Story as told by Africans”.©African News Digest®